In sea
rching for a suitable quote for tomorrow to post on Twitter for CafeMom, I came across this great website.  

I know that when you have not experienced what we have...sometimes you just have NO clue what to say...so you don't say anything.  I can tell you that most people in my life simply ignore the fact that I ever HAD another son.  It's just so unpleasant to talk about, and I get that.  I mean, how do you acknowledge what might have been the worst life experience a person has had?  For me, talking about Aydyn is cathartic, because he is and was such a very important part of me, but in all honesty, certain phrases make me cringe inside.

I said all that to say, this website gives you some things you can do if you are close to someone that's lost a child and most importantly, things to avoid saying...it's a pretty good list in my opinion.


For parents who are grieving the loss of a child, there are no words to relieve the tremendous heartache and pain they feel. To make matters worse, bereaved parents may be avoided by friends and acquiantances who do not know what to do or say.
It can be overwhelming to try to offer words of comfort to moms and dads after the death of a child. However this is a time when they desperately need the support of friends and family.
You can help grieving parents in many ways. Here are some suggestions of things to say:

• "I'm sad for you."
• "I'm here to listen."
• "Take all the time you need."
• "I can't imagine how painful this must be for you."
• "How can I help?"
• "Let's spend some time together."
• "It's okay to be sad or angry around me."
• "Tell me more about your child."
• "I'm thinking about you."

One of the hardest things about the death of a child is trying to figure out a reason for it. It just doesn't make sense, parents should not outlive their children. With any death, the key to offering words of sympathy is to not give explanations or solutions for grief.
Avoid these statements:

• "God needed her more than we did."
• "At least you have other children."
• "It was God's will."
• "Your child is in a better place now."
• "I know just how you feel."

Don't avoid parents grieving the loss of a child. It is okay that you cannot make it better or take away their pain. Remember that it is simple gestures and words that mean so much to the grieving.

Ways to Help Grieving Parents Cope With the Loss of a Child

Be a friend who acknowledges the loss and is willing to talk about it or rather listen to them talk about their feelings and memories.
Realize that the family is under immense emotional strain. Any practical help you can provide with household chores, meals or childcare will be greatly appreciated. Parents need a chance to put life on hold and grieve.
Help them create ways of remembrance and rituals to commemorate the child's life.
Here are some things you can suggest or do with them:

• Make a memory box for parents to keep momentos and pictures of their child.
• Plant a tree or flower in memory of the child.
• Bake cupcakes together on the child's birthday and take them to a children's hospital.
• Make a teddy bear or stuffed toy with pieces of fabric from the child's clothing.

You may want to encourage them to join with hundreds of other bereaved parents for the Worldwide Candle Lighting. It is held Sunday December 14th, 2008 at 7 pm local time around the globe. This is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting in the world.

Releasing Butterflies

Print a butterfly sympathy poem and purchase a butterfly for a friend. Have them release the butterfly into the sky to symbolize releasing their child into God's hands.
I ultimately chose this quotation:
As you danced in the light with joy,
love lifted you. As you brushed against
this world so gently, you lifted us.
T.C. Ring

Please join me in lighting a candle tomorrow night (October 15th) at 7pm.  Let our little lights continue to shine in our hearts.

To put how tiny he was into perspective, here are his footprints.